Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
