the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
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dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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