he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
