the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
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