the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
