omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
