Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize