I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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