but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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