We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
