me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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