Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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