I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
