you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize