Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
