I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
