Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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