How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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