Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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