I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
