:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
