You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
