Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
