he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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