there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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