Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
