I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
