he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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