Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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