We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
