All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
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I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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