There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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