The beer is more important than you right now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
