I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
