i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i came on her dog
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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