hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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