this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
