I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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