we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i think i have two assholes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
