call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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