They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
