I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
