So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
