I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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