I'm eating all of the evidence.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
