chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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