do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
