I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
