Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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