Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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