U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
