Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
