she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
