I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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