Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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