I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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