Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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