Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
