After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
