you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
