so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
