So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
