what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
