Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
