My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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