omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
