We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
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just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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