I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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