dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I smell stomach acid.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
