Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
