Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
