do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
