after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
