I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
