birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
